The Conversation No One Taught Us to Have
Even the healthiest couples can struggle to talk about sex. It can feel awkward, vulnerable, or like you might hurt each other’s feelings. But learning
to talk openly about intimacy is one of the most important skills in a
relationship.
Ella and Sam, dating for three years, deeply loved one another but had gradually stopped having sex. “It was like we were tiptoeing around it,” Ella said. “Neither of us knew how to bring it up without triggering shame or discomfort.” In therapy, they learned to talk not just about sex itself, but about the meanings and emotions connected to it.
Many people were never taught how to talk about sex in healthy, constructive ways. Instead, they may carry fear of rejection, shame from past
experiences, or anxiety about how to express needs. When sexual challenges
arise in a relationship, they can become loaded with unspoken feelings.
Therapy offers a space to practice new conversations—ones that focus on curiosity instead of criticism, honesty instead of avoidance. Rather than
blaming one another, couples learn to share what they want and need with
empathy. Even statements like, “I don’t know how to start this conversation,
but I’d like to try,” can open the door.
Talking about sex might feel scary—but it can also bring you closer than ever. And the good news is, it’s a skill that anyone can learn—with time,
practice, and support.